Kinky Dating

Women’s Surprising Embrace of Masochistic Patterns in Love

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Before we begin, we need a working definition of masochism, just to make sure the mouth breathers reading this have an idea what i’m talking about

—gratification gained from pain, deprivation, degradation, etc., inflicted or imposed on oneself, either as a result of one’s own actions or the actions of others, esp. the tendency to seek this form of gratification.

the act of turning one’s destructive tendencies inward or upon oneself.

—trying to find 8 consecutive bars of intelligible english while listening to the carter 3

Carrying on…

1. No pigeons.

Released in the spring of 1999 by the aggressively forgettable sporty thieves, this song 

was a response to TLC’s “no scrubs”. It was far and away the most clever of the dozens of recorded retorts to that song, but thats not the reason why i’m highlighting it now. the fact that there were dozens of recorded retorts to this simple song taking about deadbeat dudes is actually my point. You name the song, whether its “bills, bills, bills”, “my neck my back”, “soldier”, “irreplaceable”…whatever. If it’s released by a popular woman and has real or even just perceived negative connotations about men, then you can bet a months pay that within a week of it first hitting the airwaves, there will be response songs, blog posts and thousand word articles written about it.

On the flipside, male artists can basically say whatever the hell they feel about women, and ninety percent of the time, they’re met not just with minimal protest but support!. i never understood this. our (men’s) generally apathetic asses dont ever let stuff like this slide by, but women’s generally annoyingly inquisitive and skeptical behinds continuously let it go like a fart in the wind.

can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent masochism why this is allowed to occur? please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.

No answer still?

Moving on…

2. Relationship books

Go to any relationship book section of any bookstore and you’ll see titles such as “why he’s not into your stupid ass”, “why your man will leave you before you finish this book”, “he’s not gay, he’s just not attracted to you”, “prudish bitch, the story of american women”, “dump him before he dumps you”, “how feminism failed…completely”, and “stop slutting around”…”self-help” books which basically tell women how stupid they are….and women buy them by the bushel!!! it doesnt stop at the purchase either. There will be book buying parties and chapters emailed to every woman they know and carpools to book-signings…a regularly accepted practice of having a shindig celebrating these pugnaciously insulting pieces of literature.

Can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent masochism why this is allowed to occur? please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.

No answer still?

Moving on…

3. Willingly entering doomed relationships

Yeah, men do this too….but at least we can blame our penises on our general occasional thimbleheadness. women can’t, not when they generally enter every romantic relationship looking at every angle, getting advice from every close girlfriend, reading horoscopes, googling, calling parole officers, bookmarking every alexyss tylor youtube vid and plotting every bcs and wcs (best and worst case scenario)…and still willingly commit themselves to relationships they know will be more toxic than ann coulter.

Can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent masochism why this is allowed to occur? Please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.

No answer still?

Still waiting. i’ll be here all day though. Take your time.

4. Sex

There’s no better, no more literal manifestation of the inherent masochism permeating through a typical woman’s dna than the entire bedroom dynamic. For whatever reason, God built us in a way which insures that the pursuit of pain becomes an integral part of every woman’s sexual journey.

Need proof? i’ll give you three reasons.

a) Sex is where pretty much every woman’s first experience produces more nightmares and scenes of gore and unrelenting pain than “ichi the killer

b) Sex is where terms such as “breaking backs“, “beating it up”, “putting her to sleep”, “hittin skins”, “piping”, “ovary shifting“, “spine spinning”, “breakin her off”, “blazed”, “beat”, “hit“, “pounded”, “crushed”, “destroyed”, and “kilt” are part of our lexicon. Never mind the fact that each of these phrases could accurately describe a particularly hard hitting nfl linebacker during a game (well, all except for “ovary shifting”) and also never mind the fact that the violence in sex is decidedly one-sided. We say all we need to say about the bedroom dynamic by the way we describe what happens there. Put it this way: you’d never hear these words coming out of a straight guys mouth while bragging to his boys about some chick he slept with last weekend:

“Damn, son. tasha came through and straight mangled my joint all up. Seriously, she left my wang like one of them big-ass six flags pretzels. Had a ni**a walking with a limp for like three days straight, and it still hurts to pee. i need to get me some more of that!!!!

****Seriously, just think about how inherently unfair this one-sidedness is. For instance, i’m somewhere between 6’1 and 6’2 and i weigh some where between 205 and 210 pounds. if a 5’2, 120 pound guy challenged me to a fight, i’d probably just knee him in the nose roll my eyes and walk away because it’s against pretty much every societal more to fight someone you outweigh by almost 100 pounds. Yet, i’ve slept with women this size and attempted to and succeeded in doing very, ummm, “violent” things to them in the sack, and this is perfectly acceptable behavior. Now, don’t get me wrong…i’m not complaining about this one-sidedness. Just making a point. carry on.****

c.) Sex is where objects resembling elizabethan era torturing apparatuses…

…are seen by women as undeniable sources of pleasure. I’d expound but, well, i kind of enjoy this site not being banned in workspaces and college comp labs across the country, and i’d like to keep it that way.

Can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent inherent masochism why this occurs? Please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.

No answer still?

Still waiting. I’ll be here all day again though. Take your time. Ask a friend.

 

 


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